Abundance
Fulfilment comes from a place of abundance. It is rare that someone who is unhappy helps somebody else discover true happiness. Or that someone who is poor lifts others out of poverty. To give, we must first have. So my aim is to build abundance in my life so that I can share it and enjoy it with others. In health, wealth, happiness, free time — in every way, my aim is to build an abundance so that I can give to others and never feel depleted.
Integrity
There is a version of you that exists only when nobody is watching. A different version exists when different types of people might be watching. Another again reveals itself when we think that everyone is watching. The more we can minimise the differences, the happier we will be.If we change our opinions depending on who we're talking to, a little part of us keeps score. It affects our self-esteem.If we post pictures of our salad on the internet but eat pizza every other day, we feel like a fraud. That affects our self-esteem, too.The more honest we can become (with ourselves and others) about who we really are, the happier we will be.
Purpose
Lots of men seem to be losing their way a bit. In a world that's changing quickly (and usually for the better), men often don't seem to know what society wants from them anymore. This is not just their problem. As a collective, we should care when up to 50% of our tribe might be feeling displaced or unsure of themselves. Especially when you see the results...76% of suicides are by men, and suicide is the single biggest cause of death for men under 50 in the UK. Men are nearly three times more likely than women to become alcohol dependent, but they're half as likely to seek help with their mental wellbeing.There are many reasons for this, of course. And I am not qualified to pathologise or even prioritise them. But I do see one area where men often seem to come unstuck, and it's something I care a lot about.Although they might not talk about it, men can become quite preoccupied with their self-identity. Consciously or otherwise, we can find ourselves asking what is our place in the world. What is our meaning. But, in my opinion, we're asking the wrong question.Instead of meaning, we should be seeking purpose. Instead of who am I supposed to be, we should ask: What am I here to do? Every day, we should ask ourselves: who did I make a difference for today?By directing ourselves toward a higher purpose, we can add structure, drive and significance to the everyday. We all matter when we're making a difference for the members of our tribe.
Tribe
Who you spend time with is who you become. So we should all choose our peer groups wisely and consciously.If you have a growth mindset, there will be times when you feel frustration that your peer group don't want to grow with you. Why are they still working the job they say they hate? Why are they still in a relationship that makes them miserable?It can be painful but, when you feel this frustration, it's time to upgrade your tribe. Find a group of people who make you want to excel, who will call you out on your BS, and you will be happy (not jealous) when your efforts are rewarded.In a tribe like this, you should expect to start out as the slowest and weakest in the pack. Never reward yourself for being the smartest person in the room. That just means you're in the wrong room. Instead, always look to be the person who is most eager to learn.
Presence
Our whole life happens in the here and now. It's the only moment that exists. And yet most of our thoughts come in the form of recalled events (elsewhere, in the past) or imagined events (elsewhere, in the future). While we're drifting off like this, life is passing us by.Worse still, we're being programmed to behave this way. Human beings have always been distracted, but now we have phones and apps which are designed to be candy for the brain. And like candy, they're rotting us from the inside out.Be honest for a moment: do you feel more or less anxious than you did ten years ago? And how about your attention span? Think of a big, meaty book which you enjoyed as a young adult. Would you finish it if you read it for the first time now?Same here.But the good news is: if you can break this pattern for just a few minutes a day, you start to feel less anxious and your thinking becomes clearer again. To do this, I like to do a combination of meditation, intense exercise and Wim Hof Method breathing techniques. I try to do a little bit every day.Another thing which I do every day is ask myself: "who do I want to show up as today?" In other words, I consciously choose what kind of person I want to be. Of course, I frequently fall way short of the challenge I set for myself when I do this. But, when I don't do it, I really feel a difference and never for the better. This is especially true in the time I spend with my children. For them and for everyone else, I want to be present.
Movement
Get off the carbs and get off the couch. I am a huge believer in the curative and preventative benefits of intense, functional exercise. I think that 30 minutes of very intense exercise, five days a week, is basically the cure-all when it comes to physical and mental wellbeing.Mark Sisson's The Primal Blueprint presents a more persuasive framing of this argument than I ever could. But I actually first came to this via CrossFit®.Of course, competitive fitness is certainly not for everyone. But everybody can and should find a form of intense physical exercise which they can enjoy. We owe it to ourselves and those who care for us to stay happy, strong, healthy and independent for as long as we can.
Nutrition
Eat single-ingredient foods from plants and animals, 80% of the time. Most of our food should not have the word "ingredients" on the packet. Instead, we just need to ask ourselves: did it have leaves or a heartbeat? If so, just crack on and stop eating when you feel full.Natural fats are good (saturated and unsaturated). Proteins and fats are essential for our survival, carbohydrates are not. In fact, too much carbohydrate can leave us 'hangry' and (pre-)diabetic. After years of gorging on carbs, I now eat minimal grains and no sucrose at all.Full disclosure: I don't live by these rules every day. I eat takeaway every week and I love it. But I always try to be honest with myself about what I am eating, 'good' or 'bad'.
Gimme five
Yep, I actually still say that. My name's Dan and I started making little notes to myself during the Covid-19 pandemic. Tiny little mantras and reminders that I only have one life and I owe it to myself and my tribe to make it a good one. Modern life gives me good healthcare and disposable wealth, but all the ingredients of a happy life were equally available to our ancestors. So I tend to see my ideal mindset as something primal — hence the name. For accountability, I started posting my little reminders on instagram. I write these little notes to myself, but it's great when they resonate with other people, too. If something has chimed with you, drop me a note below and say hi.
Thank You
Life is short. Go have yourself a great day.